this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize