Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
