Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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