Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
