stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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