I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
