i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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