How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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