He kissed a someone with a penis
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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