Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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