Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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