Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I looked at my own cervix.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
