the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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