hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
