Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
