when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
