I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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