awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
