from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
