dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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