umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
