I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
