all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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