i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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