My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Two words: nipple clamps
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