did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize