Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
