They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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