this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
