I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
