It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
