I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
