i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
