the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
