I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
