Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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