"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
