Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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