Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love you. Go after that dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
