seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
