my phone cant type all the emotion im having
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
