So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this will be a night to untag.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
