I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My dick has a subreddit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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