"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
