Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize