Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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