How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
