Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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