I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
