They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
