Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
