I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i walk over a car last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
