just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
