I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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