He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
