Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
