I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
