Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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