I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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