i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
