I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
