woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
