Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
