peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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