i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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