never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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