Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i barfeds in our rink
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
