I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
