She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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