Yo dont text me then not text me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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