Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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