note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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