Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
