some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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