when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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