I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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