oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize