The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
