My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize