i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
