Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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