I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
