its not stalking. its research.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
