bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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