This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
