I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
