so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
