I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
