I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The air taste purple.
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