i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
