dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
