he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
