I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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