one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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