I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
