guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
